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Emmy Award-winning writer MERRILL MARKOE has authored three books of humorous essays and the noveliIt’s My F---ing Birthday/i, as well as co-authoring with Andy Prieboy the novel Tihe Psycho Ex Game/i. She has worked as a radio host and a TV correspondent, and has written for television movies and numerous publications. She lives in Los Angeles.Chapter OnebrbrA Conversation with My DogsbrbrIt is late afternoon. Seated at my desk, I call for my dogs to join me in my office. They do.brbrMe: The reason I’ve summoned you here today is I really think we should talk about something.brbrBob: What’s that?brbrMe: Well, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I get the feeling you guys think you have to follow me everywhere and I just want you both to know that you don’t.brbrStan: Where would you get a feeling like that?brbrMe: I get it from the fact that the both of you follow me everywhere all day long. Like for instance, this morning. We were all together in the bedroom? Why do you both look blank? Doesn’t this ring a bell at all? I was on the bed reading the paper . . .brbrBob: Where was I?brbrMe: On the floor sleeping.brbrBob: On the floor sleepi . . . ? Oh, yes. Right. I remember that. Go on.brbrMe: So, there came a point where I had to get up and go into the next room to get a Kleenex. And you both woke up out of a deep sleep to go with me.brbrStan: Yes. So? What’s the problem?brbrBob: We like to watch you get Kleenex. We happen to think it’s something you do very well.brbrMe: The point I’m trying to make is why do you both have to get up out of a deep sleep to go with me. You sit there staring at me, all excited, like you think something really good is going to happen. I feel a lot of pressure to be more entertaining.brbrBob: Would it help if we stood?brbrStan: I think what the lady is saying is that where Kleenex retrieval is c@ë...¸Qì ¾Ûˆ